Chapter Nine - Maui No Ka Oi

Just before 3 PM the next day Rudy arrived at the little duplex where Raven’s friend, Charlie Connors, was to meet him. He had arrived early so that he could look around the place by himself.

It wasn’t much more than a mile from Raven’s place, which made it appealing even before he even got out of the car. He parked on a tiny strip of dirt between the back door and the highway, which was the closest thing there was to a driveway.

The duplex sat on a narrow lot between Kamehameha and the Pacific Ocean. The vacant unit was on the south end next to a huge culvert that drained the rain waters from the volcanic cliffs to the east into the ocean.

The drainage ditch couldn’t have been ten feet from the side of the little stucco building and a bull dozer sat atop a mound of fresh dirt near the culvert. The duplex had flooded in the heavy rains earlier in the rainy season, when the entire North Shore had been declared a federal disaster area. Peeking through the window, Rudy could see that the paint was fresh and the carpets were new.

He circled the building and stopped on the front steps. There was nothing but twenty feet of sand between the building and the mighty ocean. I hope this is high tide, he thought to himself. Note to self: get a tide chart.

He sat on the steps, leaning against the front door and stared across the water. With his eyes closed he unconsciously formed an image of the vastness of the ocean. Soon he could envision all the life that it contained, all the drama, the life-or-death struggles going on below the surface.

Just as the image began to come into focus Elder Sea Nettle floated past, smiling and waving three of his arms mockingly. Rudy shook the picture off by imagining what it would be like to watch the sun set over the deep blue Pacific from his own living room.

This was a million miles from the tiny house he’d shared with Circe in one of Salt Lake’s seedier west side neighborhoods and it was exactly what he’d imagined when he’d first thought of coming here.

The ocean breeze ruffled his hair and took the edge off the afternoon sun while the words to Jimmy Buffett’s “Havana Daydreaming” floated through his head. This was the Pacific, not the Caribbean, but he stuck to his task of daydreaming just like the character in the song.

Raven was right about one thing, if living here didn’t inspire him nothing would. His imagination had been more active this afternoon than in the entire year before. There was no question in Rudy’s mind that it was worth risking waking up some morning to find himself and his little duplex adrift somewhere near Guam.

“So you’re Raven’s new beau.” A gravelly voice said, interrupting his fantasies.

Rudy opened his eyes and saw a man with wild, white hair and leather for skin. His hair was pure white, though he wasn’t much over fifty. Rudy hadn’t known what to expect Charlie to be like but this wasn’t it. He was wearing tan shorts and a white shirt that was as wrinkled as crumpled paper.

“Charlie Connors”, he said, sticking out his hand, “Just like the Rifleman”, he grinned.

Rudy stood and shook his hand. “Rudy Davis. Nice to meet you. I’m not really her beau. We just met a few days ago.”

“Well, I hear that she was showing you off at the luau. Everyone that was there has been bragging about how they met Rudy Davis, the writer. To tell you the truth, I don’t believe I’ve ever read any of your stuff.”

Rudy stared across the water. “Great view.” He said, eager to change the subject.

“Yeah, and it comes with an apartment.” The Rifleman said as he unlocked the door. “Come inside and take a look.”

The interior was a small, nondescript but clean one bedroom with new brown carpet, freshly painted white walls and a cozy feel despite the rental store furnishings. Rudy couldn’t quite put his finger on it; maybe it just had good karma, but it felt like home. He had no idea how he'd afford it, knowing what he’d learned about that cost of Hawaiian real estate, but it felt right.

“So, how much are you asking for it?”

“Well,” Charlie replied, thinking about it, “Raven seems to think that I owe her something. Not sure why but she expects me to make you a deal. To tell you the truth, it’s got me a little curious about you. A lot of guys make a play for her but you’re the first guy I’ve ever seen her show any real interest in. I can’t help but wonder what that’s about.”

“Me three.” Rudy said, not at all facetiously.

Charlie chuckled at that. “I’ll tell you what, let’s have some dinner and a couple of drinks and we’ll see what we can work out. You have any big plans for the evening?”

“Can’t say I do.” Rudy answered. He’d thought he might call Raven tonight and let her know how it went with Charlie but it was probably just as well to wait until tomorrow. He didn’t want to come on too strong, too soon.

“Your car will be safe here, we’ll take my Jag.” Charlie said.

They walked around the duplex to a new British Racing Green XKE. The car, in contrast to its owner, was shiny and spotless, inside and out. Charlie turned the key and the V-12 roared to life. The engine was as smooth and strong as anything Rudy had ever been in when Charlie ran it through the gears.

“Damn fine automobile, when it runs.” Charlie said. “Just about have to have a mechanic on the payroll to own one of these but it sure is sweet when it works.”

“Where are we headed?” Rudy asked as they roared through the Like-Like tunnel toward Honolulu.

“Ever been to Maui?”

“Once. 1967, I believe. We changed planes there on the way from Molokai to the Big Island.”

“I know a place in Lahaina has the best cheeseburgers on planet earth, or any other. I know after a week of eating this South Sea poi and raw tuna shit, you gotta be craving a good old fashioned burger and fries. They call that stuff Ahi or Tombo but don’t let ‘em fool ya, it’s just tuna fish."

“You’re driving.” Rudy said, wondering why they’d go to Maui for a burger when Oahu was littered with Burger Kings and McDonald's.

Charlie cut the engine on the little Cessna once they were secure in his hangar at the Kahului Airport and pointed to a Candy Apple Red Porsche Turbo Carrera parked next to the plane.

“That’s my ride over there.” He said.

Rudy climbed down from the Cessna, his stomach still doing flip flops from the plane ride. He was really hoping that Charlie didn’t drive the Porsche the same way he flew. He did.

The little town of Lahaina is an art town now but a hundred and fifty years ago it was a whaling center as well as the capitol of the islands. Front Street is the main attraction in Lahaina, with its restaurants and dozens of galleries lining both sides of its shaded boardwalk.

The Town Square, now Banyan Tree Park, at the south end of Front Street, is filled almost entirely by a huge Banyan Tree. Locals claim that it is the largest on earth. Next to the square is a small, white church with a neon sign that says “Jesus Is Coming.” It was the inspiration for a line in an old Eagles song.

Moving north from the square, Front Street follows the shoreline. The shops and restaurants on the ocean side all have huge windows that are hinged at the top and open to the ocean lapping at their foundations below.

Cheese Burger in Paradise is a two story building on the ocean side, with a covered outdoor lanai upstairs and bar and restaurant seating at ground level. The two California girls who own the place named it before Jimmy Buffet had the idea to open his own chain by that name, Charlie explained. Thus, they have the distinction of being the only Cheese Burger in Paradise not affiliated with Jimmy Buffet.

Charlie and Rudy sat at the bar, next to the open window while water lapped outside below their feet and the ever-present ocean breeze kept the smoke to a tolerable level.

A shapely woman with long gray streaked dark hair was in the storage room behind the bar. She was in her mid forties, still looking good in tight blue jeans and a cotton blouse tied off at her waist.

“What’s it take to get a little service in this two-bit joint?’ Charlie yelled back to her.

“Charlie!” she yelled back. She came around the bar and gave him a big hug, revealing a fair amount of her tanned cleavage in the process.

“Jenny, this here’s Rudy Davis, the writer.” Charlie said. “Rudy, Jenny Williams, the prettiest girl on Maui. Jenny owns this Gyp Joint.”

“Nice to meet you, Rudy.” Jenny said. “Have I read any of your work?”

“I don’t think so.” he said sheepishly.

“Can you believe this girl has a PhD. and spends her time serving burgers to grumpy old curmudgeons like me?” Charlie asked, with a twinkle in his eye. It was obvious that they were tight.

“You’re not a curmudgeon, Charlie.”

“I’m not? I’m coming up in the world.”

“Hell no.” Jenny went on, “A curmudgeon is grumpy but lovable. You’re just grumpy.”

“Let this be a lesson to you, Rudy.” Charlie said with a smile. “Stay away from women who are smarter than you.”

Over the next four hours they each devoured the best Cheeseburgers Rudy had ever eaten and they downed more beer than frat brothers with a beer bong. The burgers were certainly worth the plane ride.

“You still haven’t told me what you’ve written, Rudy.” Charlie wasn’t letting him off the hook. Rudy had hoped that the conversation wouldn’t get back around to this.

“Well, I wrote a novel a few years back, but it’s never been published.” Rudy admitted.

“And?”

“And, well, some essays and stuff, mostly just for myself. I’ve written some articles for an outdoor magazine here and there.”

Charlie let go of a huge belly laugh. “Well, I’ll be a sum bitch. No offense, Rudy, but the way those pompous pricks from the luau talked, I thought you were F. Scott Fitzpatrick or something.”

“Fitzgerald.” Rudy said. “It’s F. Scott Fitzgerald.”

Rudy was trying not to get irritated at his bluntness. He’d already figured out that Charlie was a guy who spoke his mind but with no malice intended. Plus, he was Raven’s friend so he got the benefit of the doubt.

"Hey, you get something published and then you can correct me.” Charlie said between breaths.

“You know, those old-money phonies that are always buying up Raven’s work are really a bunch of clowns.”

“Now me, I got my money the old fashioned way, I worked my ass off. I took over my daddy’s trash haulin’ business and built it into the biggest waste disposal company in Houston, hell, the entire guff coast.” Charlie was rambling now, half-drunk and taking full advantage of having a captive audience.

“Everyone’s looking for a quick buck these days, lookin’ for some glamorous, Hollywood lifestyle, sticking powder up their noses and needles in their arms.” Charlie said between gulps of beer.

“I just read that Heroin is the new glamor drug of the nineties? Can you believe that? The old gutter drug of the seventies is the new glamor drug of the nineties. I just don’t get it.”

“Now me, I wasn’t afraid to get my hands dirty. I didn’t get past the 8th grade in school but I know an opportunity when I see it. See, what I figgered out is, it’s the least glamorous businesses that are the biggest cash cows. And one thing 'bout Americans, they’re always gonna make garbage.”

“So how did you wind up here from Houston?” Rudy asked.

”When my wife and I got married in ’65, we came here on our Honeymoon and fell in love with the place. We came back at least once every year after that. I was so obsessed with work back then that I couldn’t even take a vacation without working, so I bought a piece of investment property on every trip.”

“My wife died of cancer in ’87 and then I lost my only daughter two years later. I realized that I’d missed out on life by working all the time. So I sold my company and all my holdings on the mainland and moved over here. I wasted the first fifty years of my life making money and now I intend to spend the next fifty spending it.”

Jenny sat down at their table. “Closing time, Tex. I hope you’re staying tonight, ‘cause you’re in no condition to fly back.”

“Well, I sure didn’t come all this way to sleep alone, darlin’.”

“You sober enough to drive?” Charlie asked Rudy.

“Sure.”

Charlie threw his keys to Rudy. “Here’s the key to the Porsche. Try not to drive her like I do. I have a condo at the Kaanapali Shores, two miles straight down that road. Number 902. Key’s on the ring. I’ll give ya shout tomorrow.”

“We didn’t talk about the rent on the duplex.” Rudy said.

“I’ll tell you what, how much was your rent back in Idaho?”

“Utah”

“Yeah, that place. What was yer rent there?”

“Four fifty a month.”

“Jesus shit! I’m glad I don’t have any property there.” He scratched his chin and thought for a minute, which took a lot of effort in his condition.

“OK, how 'bout this deal: Raven has a piece I been trying ta get from her for a long time now. She's got some crazy notion that I’m gonna give it to one of my rednecked friends so she won’t sell it to me. You talk her into selling me that piece and I’ll give ya a one-year lease fer four fifty a month. You can call her from the condo tomorrow; let me know what she says when I see you.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Charlie thought for a minute more. “Better yet, tell her to come on over. I know a Blues Bar in the Up Country. We’ll have a few laughs and twist her arm together.”

Spending time with Raven on Maui was sounding like a grand plan to Rudy.

He followed Charlie and Jenny out the door and sat in the Porsche until Jenny’s Subaru was well out of sight. Then he idled the Porsche out of the parking lot onto the street and checked the mirrors: not a car in sight. He put the pedal to the floor and left a trail of rubber through three gears. When he shifted into fourth gear he was doing over a hundred. He shifted into fifth then eased off the throttle.

The shiny red Porsche blew right past the Kaanapali Shores and kept going. There was little traffic at this hour. He figured he could sleep when he was dead but how often did someone throw you the keys to their Porsche and turn you loose on Maui? Mario Andretti, eat your heart out.

The natives have a saying: “Maui no ka oi.” There’s no place like Maui.