Chapter Twenty - The Colonel and Mrs. Davis

At Christmas, Rudy and Raven decided to spend a few days in Utah to get in a little skiing, catch up with Pete and, of course, introduce the new girlfriend to the parents. His parents had met few of his girlfriends over the years but this was the first time Rudy actually brought a girlfriend home specifically for them to meet.

The Colonel and Mrs. Davis were at the SLC airport to greet them when they arrived early on Christmas Eve. Rudy had taken to referring to his father to others as “The Colonel”, though his dad had been retired for a few years now. Face to face he was still just ‘Dad’.

When they all met at the concourse, Rudy noticed a sparkle in the Colonel’s eye the instant he looked at Raven. Raven had that effect on people and Dad had always had an eye for a pretty girl. Rudy gave his mother a hug and a kiss then shook his dad’s firm hand before making the introductions.

Rudy’s mother took Raven under her wing and by the time they reached baggage claim, she knew just about everything there was to know about Raven and her family for three generations back. His dad went to get the car while the rest of them waited for the bags.

“I don’t know how much Rudy has told you about us.” he heard his mother say, “but we’re LDS, uh, Mormons. Do you know much about the Mormon Church?”

“Yes, quite a bit actually. Rudy has told me a lot about your religion.”

While it was a completely true statement, Rudy was quite sure that the things he’d told Raven weren’t exactly the same as what his mother was thinking of.

His mother smiled. “Well, I’m so glad to hear that. To be honest, Rudy hasn’t had the best attitude about his religion. Anyway, don’t you worry about a thing. I’ll make the arrangements for you take the missionary lessons so that you two can go through the temple...”

“Mom.” Rudy cut her off. “Mom, you’re getting way ahead of..”

Just then The Colonel pulled up to the curb in the Valiant, providing a much needed diversion. Rudy had known this was coming but he hadn’t expected to get into it quite so quickly.

“Still driving the ol’ Plymouth, huh Dad?’” Rudy asked.

“You bet, son. Plymouth makes a darned fine automobile. May not be fancy but good, reliable transportation.”

Once they were on the freeway, Rudy’s mother turned to them in the backseat. “I told all of your sisters that you were coming and they and their families are all coming out for dinner tonight. I can’t remember the last time we’ve all been together on Christmas Eve like this. This is so exciting.”

Rudy could remember. He had spent last Christmas Eve with his family. Every one of his five sisters and their husbands and their huge Mormon families had been there but he didn’t point this out to his Mother.

“We’ll have to be sure to get a group picture.” she went on. “One with you in it Raven. You’re part of the family now.”

“Thank you so much, Mrs. Davis. That’s very kind of you.”

“Not at all. I hope you like ham.” his mother was saying. “We’re having ham and funeral potatoes.”

“Funeral potatoes?” Raven asked.

“Whenever there’s a funeral in the Mormon community, the local Relief Society ladies prepare a luncheon for after the services and they traditionally serve a baked potato dish, they’re really just au gratin potatoes.” Rudy told her. “The luncheon is sort of the Mormon equivalent of a Wake.”

“Oh goodness, no.” his mother said. “We don’t have Wakes. As Mormons, we believe in eternal life, you see, and that families are forever. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“So Dad, the old Valiant is still running pretty good.” Rudy interrupted again.

“Yep, I take good care of her. She’s got the slant six, you know, darn near the best motor ever made. A hundred and seventy five thousand miles and she’s never had the head off, doesn’t use a drop of oil between changes.”

“You always did take good care of you cars, dad.”

“Take good care of ‘em and they’ll take good care of you; one of the first things I learned in the Army Air Corp. That’s what we used to call it back in WWII, before the Air Force was its own service.”

“Now the best car I ever had was a 1951 Nash Rambler. She got 30 miles to a gallon with that old overdrive transmission and she sat 6 people comfortably. If they could do that back in the early 50’s why the heck can’t they do it now? That’s what I’d like to know.”

“Me too dad. That’s exactly what I’d like to know.” Rudy said with a barely suppressed grin.

Raven gave him a hard jab to the ribs with her elbow. “Be nice.” she mouthed but his parents were oblivious to his sarcasm.

When they got to his parents house, his mother said, “Now, Raven, I’ve made up the guest room for you. Rudy, you’ll have to sleep on the hide-a-bed in the sewing room.” Raven shot Rudy a desperate look.

“Mom, we’re not staying here. We got a room in Salt Lake. The agency is bringing us a rental car and we’re going to see Pete after dinner and then we’re going to do some skiing tomorrow, so we’ll just stay in Salt Lake.”

“You’re going to see Pete? At that... that...bar?”

“Yes, mother, at The Prankster.”

“I didn’t raise you to hang around in bars, Rudy. And don’t think I don’t know what that name means. It’s from that bunch of hippies that ran with that Ken Kesey. It’s about drugs. I know all about that electronic Kool-Aid. I read about it in Readers Digest,”

“Mom. I’m 36 years old. You have to let go now.”

His mother turned to Raven. “Has he told you about the time his father had to go get him in It-lee?”

“Mom.” Rudy said a little louder than he’d meant to. “Mom,” softer now. He put his arm around her. “Enough, okay?” She had an amazing way of bringing up the most embarrassing incidents at the worst possible time.

“Hmph.” His mother said. “I’d better check on the ham.” and she scurried off to the kitchen.

An hour later his sisters and their clans started streaming in. Raven was an only child and she had no extended family. It was just her and her parents – and lots of new-age friends. Rudy watched her to see how she was holding up under the scrutiny of his huge, Mormon family. She was warm and open and charming and seemed completely at ease with the whole situation. He wished that the same could be said for him.

After dinner, his sister Jeannie pulled him aside. She was four years older than Rudy and the closest of his sisters to his age. “Well..” she began. “I mean, she seems very nice.”

“Uh huh.” he encouraged her warily.

“Well... I just hope you don’t plan to marry her.”

“It hasn’t come up.”

“Because she’s not LDS. I know you’re not active in the church but I always figured you get your wild streak out of your system and come back around. But marrying a nonmember, that’s another story.”

Rudy had stopped listening though he grunted out an occasional uh-huh to keep up the appearance that he was. His dad had Raven cornered a few feet away and he was trying to eaves drop on that conversation.

The Colonel had dropped out of High School to join the Army Air Corp during World War II. When the war was over, he took his GED test and then put himself through college at night as an enlisted man in the Air Force while raising a growing family and maintaining positions of authority within the church.

He had that famous military discipline along with intelligence and perseverance and he was proud of having risen to a non-com and then receiving his commission after completing his college degree. He rose to the rank of Colonel before he retired after 45 years in the military.

In his day, The Colonel had been a formidable man but it seemed to Rudy that his mind was turning to mush since he’d retired. He wasn’t senile, just old and doddering and obsessed with the past.

“See the Nash had two spark plugs in every cylinder.” Dad was telling Raven, “So when Sears and Roebuck ran a newspaper ad advertising a full set of spark plugs for any six cylinder at a set price, I went right down there. They gave me six plugs so I told ‘em, the ad says a complete set and that’s 12 plugs for this car. They had to give ‘em to me.” He beamed with pride.

Rudy had heard this story countless times growing up. When the rental agency driver knocked on the door, it was just in the nick of time.

“Gotta go.” he told his mother with a quick peck on the cheek. He grabbed their bags, which he’d wisely positioned near the front door, and they were off.

Rudy and Raven climbed in the rented Nissan, shut the doors and let out a collective sigh.

“Wow” said Raven. “That’s some clan.”

“Yes it is.” Rudy agreed as they pulled away. “Yes it is.”

Suddenly conversing in his sleep with a Mormon Missionary Sea Nettle didn’t seem so wacky after all. It was saner than the scene he’d just left.


Pete nearly fell over when Raven and Rudy walked unannounced into The Prankster. While most people move to Hawaii to get away from winter, Rudy found that winter was the season when he missed Utah the most. Besides skiing, winter makes spring and fall possible and without it you have only one season: Hawaii.

Pete started to shake Rudy’s hand then said “That ain’t gonna do it, buddy.” and gave him a big hug instead. They’d been friends a long time but open displays of affection were not part of the pattern of their friendship.

“This must be Raven. I guess you already know who I am.” Pete said, turning his attention fully of Raven.

“Rudy mentioned you once or twice.” Raven teased. Rudy couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Pete’s eyes sparkle like they were right now.

“My God, Rudy, she looks like a raven-haired Meg Ryan.” Pete said, eyes glued to Raven as he spoke. Pete had a reputation for being a real charmer with the ladies but you’d never know that right now. He was close to blubbering.

“Oh, heavens no,” Raven said, “I have a much better tan than Meg Ryan.”

“That you do.” said Pete with a chuckle. “I can see why your folks named you Raven, but how does a fair-skinned Scandinavian get coal black hair like yours?”

“That’s what my daddy wants to know.” Raven said with a smile.

“Rudy, you must have told some whoppers to land a fish like this. What are you going to do when she finds out the truth about you?”

“What truth is that?” Rudy asked, ever the straight-man. “Anyway, she’s a woman, Pete, not a Rainbow Trout.”

Pete ignored him and put his arm around Raven, directing them to an empty table. “Did he tell you the one about being a big time college basketball player?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“And the one about how he could have made the Ski Team if he hadn’t been too busy with basketball?”

“Bingo.”

“And I suppose he claimed to be as good a skier as me?”

“No, he said that he never saw anyone as good as you.”

“Well, he’s smarter than I thought but he’s lying about the rest.”

“I don’t think so,” Raven said.

“And why not?”

“I’ve seen him play basketball.”

Gotta love that girl, Rudy beamed.